He will lie awake for hours at night just to watch you sleep  
He will hold you close every day and listen to your heartbeat  
He will wipe each tear you cry from your cheek and kiss it softly
He will stand by your side always, not in front of you or behind you  
He will send flowers to you at work whether he has a reason to or not  
He will constantly remind you how blessed he is to have you in his life and how he is so glad that God picked you to be with him  
He will help you do the small things that need to be done  
He might irritate your friends, but he warms your heart  
He will never be completely happy without you. 

well we are done! 13 years in school right from pre-school to twelve, we've done it. Congrats to you all.

I'm finially done, highschool graduate right here ^.^ yesterday was a day I'll never forget. The tears, the smiles, the laughter, the memories shared...wow we did it. I got a scholarship in the amount of $500.00 which is good. It will cover the amount of my books for college.I didn't even apply for it ! which is crazy hahaha but oh well.

Safe Grad was a blast. Boy I love my friends. I'll have lots of pictures to put up from grad week, grad its self and then safe grad when I get around to uploading them. Love you all and Miss you. Thanks for everything.

 

 

did you know i miss you?

oh how i miss you....

today was another good day;
"i like tom's light saber but i haven't....",-Me "OH I BET YOU DO...."- Gina LOL

Marc...what a nut he is. Ahhh I love him. Just sitting in the hallway at lunch, him jammin on some guitar with Jenni and I singing along and everyone else just enjoying themselves chatting and what not.Today as I was sitting in our little hallway thing at school and I looked around at each and everyones face and just listened and I seen how happy everyone was, full of smiles, laughter, cries of help from people being tickled, jokes floating about, the latest funny story being told about some teacher or fellow peer and so much more. It played through my mind like a movie in slow motion thats when I realized highschool is amazing.It is the best years of your life, even though theres ALOT of drama and stress that comes with it at times its still the best thing that could happen to you.The friends you have now are the friends you stuck it through with since elementary and jr.high--true friends, best friends.

TIL THE END.
                  I Love You Guys

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

so prom in like 30 days
graduation in 51 days
school finished in 52 days
like 23 school days left 
i FINIALLY got a job and

I'm the happiest I've ever been.

<3 Jess

 

 

ok so today it was beautiful out and I wore my pretty white skirt and to my surprise I didn't spill ANYTHING on it.This whole week its been beautiful out. Makes me excited for summer.

GSA at lunch today was very entertaining, Erin and I danced and sang and so did lots of others <3 haha it was wonderful.

After lunch we had our second half of Family Studies Class and went on our tour to spot houses again...Krista, Cara, Heather and I got whistled and yelled at by some roofers that were shingling a Church HAHAHAHA...Then Mrs. Jefferson treated us to icecream <3 what a flippin sweetheart she is.

around 6 Ryan came by and brought me a coffee from tims what a sweetheart he is, gosh I love him. I think I'll miss him the most out of my guy friends when they go away to University and College. We worked on our project and talked for a bit. Now hes gone....haha we got the project done though which is great.

so tomorrow hopefully doing something with Krista and everyone....<3

sooo pictures of my new hair .I was so scared. I just told her to go at it...it didnt turn out to bad...<3 I HAVE BANGS!!! I needed a change, I've been the same for so long and I dislike it. Im so plain and boring and never barely change so I think it was time I did. I needed like a new start or something. I was getting tired of myself....so yeah heres pictures...

done <3

off to watch a movie or maybe read my book, bye home dawgs <3

ok so I got a letter in the mail the other day....I got accepted into college, which is pretty good.
my blind date went very good. Jamie was a total sweetie.

Battle of the bands was awesome even though it sucked in parts.

Nelson and Kaela are coming home in may to visit <3

school is almost done, summer almost here....

 

picture time..... 

my friends and I <3 got a group picture

Grad Photo!!! =S I have more but I don't like those..P

 

so yea i got my PROM dress <3 now I need a date...../sigh

yay......

so yup...im sick...again.
school is back in session

Your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night,
This idle hour just wont pass.
I've never missed you this much, never thought I would,
Didn't think you'd feel so far away.

march break SUCKED!!!!

 

well Im off

cause lately it's the same again
as i'm writing to unfold
just keep turning those pages
there's still stories to be told
but don't
don't let me turn into the person i once hated
all i wanted was to make it
and swing life away

 

Winter Carnival Week;

tuesday-past dress-up day, childhood games, Mr.Viking Pagent.
wednesday-future dress-up day, Kangaroo Court, Survivor Night
thursday-Pj dress-up day, McDonalds Breakfast, Limbo, Movie and Karaoke
friday(tomorrow)- Grade Colours Day, Scavenger Hunt, Art Attack contest, Dance Off, Battle of The Grades, Dance WOOT! /class of 2006 <3

finially got my Valencia cd a whole $30.00 later.../sigh I almost cried I wasn't gonna even buy it I was gonna leave it there but I didn't. Now I am poor haha.
So in town EARLY tomorrow for batteries and then to the school to help decorate, then at 9 til 10:30/11:00 scavenger hunt with Meg and Rin and I forget who else >.< then Art Attack at 10:30 with them.Dance off after that! Battle of The Grades then to Shawns to jam til 8:00-8:30 then to the Dance I go to meet up with Meg and Rin. Battle isn't gonna be the same as always though, this year theres NOTHING allowed and i mean NOTHING!!! usually we whipcream/shavingcream/silly string/paint/mark on the younger grades and friends and just make a mess of eachother---this year we aren't allowed /sigh its gonna kinda suck. But you know what sucks a WHOLE lot more, looks like I won't be going to City And Colour anymore...gah that makes me incredibly sad/mad now. But whatever nothing I can do. So much for things to look forward to. Anyways I'm out.

<3 Jess

 

Class of 2006 ---- woot!!!!!

ten thousand times i will scream
over and over until you notice me
until my voice breaks
and all this heartache--

YES!!! road trip april 3rd, I'm so excited/Dallas Green <3

/flipping fantastic day

OHHHH and guess whos gonna be in a band haha

/end

i know theres something waiting-- (melissa o'neil)

life is a puzzle...sometimes you just can't put that puzzle together, so what do you do? you give up...but you can't totally give up because you are curious to what picture that puzzle will put together when its done.You work as hard as you can on it, trying each and every piece, trying to make it fit, hoping it will fit.It takes awhile but in the end the picture is beautiful.
Happy endings only exisit in fairy tales, but is it possible for us to have semi-happy endings? Im not so sure, maybe we can and maybe we can't. Maybe, it depends on how bad you have been hurt, how much love you experienced, how good you were treated.

"let it all out, get it all out, rip it out, remove it, don't be alarmed, when the wound begins to bleed, cause we're so scared to find out, what this life's all about, so scared we're going to lose it, not knowing all along, thats excatly what we need..."(relientk)

well its raining and dark out today, i love it.It is so peaceful, so pure...I wish it was warm enough out to go out in.

"and you ask me what i want this year, and i try to make this kind and clear, just a chance that maybe we'll find better days" (goo goo dolls)

I can't wait til summer, i really cant...school is done and the summer air will be wonderful, free, refreshing, filled with fun, I don't think I'll want it to end, I'll miss it.
I really miss something now though(not to cause trouble, cause who knows who will get mad at this lately, haha we've all been pretty grumpy)....how my friends and i use to be, before we were almost unseparable, now sometimes we can't stand eachother, we hardly do anything together anymore as a group its usually one or two now...I know one of them feels the same way because she wrote about it a little while back and I think we have to fix it, I totally agree with her, but oh well.It happens I guess.

"are you lost or incomplete? do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece? tell me how do you feel? well i feel like they're talking in a language i dont speak and they're talking it to me..."(coldplay)

anyways i suppose i blabbed enough.
<3 Jess

and you said I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse;;

oh yeah!! whos good and only has to write her provincal exam because the school board is dumb and makes us write it even though we have the marks to be exempt!!

so Monday I have school almost all day because my exam will take that long...then the rest of the week I have off, boo YEAH!

So friday pretty much sucked MAJOR hiney...I was in a horrible mood I didn't want to be with anyone(when am I lately? , and they wonder why, just LEAVE me alone, its me, you aren't going to stop me). English, first class we went over the exam and did some poetry. Data Processing, second class I found out I was exempt and had the second highest mark in the class(that was pretty good) so I didnt need to be there, I went and read for a bit, went to Religions class and had a "party" there.

LUNCH!!! was great (only good part of my day really) I waited for Nelson to get to the school to come see me <3 gave him a big ol' kiss and hug. Damn I'm gonna miss that kid so damn much! I LOVE YOU....

-----------------  rawr-x.piczo.com  <<<< new pages

after lunch I said my last goodbyes to Nelson  *tear* and then headed to religions class again to finish up the "party" then after that I didnt have to go to psychology cause im exempt from that so Krista, Rin, Dylan and I just ended up walking around the school, ran around the school with ribbon to see how far it would go, almost tripped Mr. DeViller with it! Then Krista left with Jamie and So Rin, Dylan and I sat in our little hallway/lobby thing upstairs.Marc and Jennybean came <3 and we sang and jammed oh yeah!!! then I came home and relaxed and talked to Nelson for the night.

Today was rather boring and cold...brrr, but it was so pretty out it was so sunny and nice.It was just like last weekend just without the +13 more like +2 or 3 now hahaha.

rawr
<3 Jess

Nelson - miss you x a million

I can't handle this anymore, I'm breaking down more and more eachday...

I hate Cancer!!!!!!
I hate boys
I hate you...give me my heart back
I miss Nelson
I hate that hes moving away
I hate love, theres no such thing
I hate how everyone in this town is dying
I hate school
I hate myself
I hate old habits
I hate how when I want to be alone, people don't leave me alone
I hate EVERYTHING...get that through your heads just leave me alone when I say for you to leave me alone....please just do it...I won't be alright right away but when I feel like being alright and things get better, I'll be alright.
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of having no energy
Im confused, I dont understand whats going on.
You can't say you want to be with someone one day then not the next.

his smiles your rope, tie it tight around your throat;;

I'm sorry everyone if I get cranky with you or short with you, don't take it to heart. I really don't mean it. Im just having a rough couple of weeks...

major headache....going to read for a few minutes then lay down maybe

Jess

"i'm sorry wont cut it for the rest of your life, get over yourself and say goodbye, i hope you realize you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you, Forget my name and forget my face hope you get on a plane and forget this place,So I never have to deal with you again"

...Im slacking so bad lately.

I left my English Essay and Books to last minute, not a good idea, I still have one more book to read and get tested by the 24th. Dylan and I just finished our Psychology project the night before.That was an all nighter. I've been having all nighters lately, and I'm exausted. I still have exams to study for as well *sigh*

so like, the new Wal-Mart is huge! I was so lost, I felt so out of place it was like I was in Halifax hahaha. I bought this movie Called The Bumblebee Flies Anyway at the discount table for $2.50 hahaha YAY for discounts. It looks so cute though, I can't wait to watch it.

so yeah, I think my bf and I are no longer together , we are but we aren't you know?  "remind me never fall in love again"

last night was pretty fun, Went to Wal-Mart and met up with Rin, then Krista and Jamie, then Megan. Then Megan, Rin and I left to go to Tim's then head to the hockey game. That was fun, I had a blast hahaha It was wonderful hahaha and Jordan...gosh I love that kid hes so funny.But then I had to leave early cause of my parents...but oh well it was fun while it lasted. Today;; I think I'm gonna do up some homework, gym with Lacie, Ash and Melissa? then Bowling later tonight with everyone hopefully.

anyways Im gonna go edit later maybe?

<3 Jess

"we're staring at the stars making faces at the clouds, but all those days are gone the memories put to rest"

Nelson I Love You dear, here for you always <3 BFFL---xo

 

 

edit; 7:12 Pm

well I was informed earlier that  my friends father died... =( RIP Dean...

Nelson love, Im here for you 110 %, if you need ANYTHING at all, ask me...or need someone to talk to Im here <3 BFFL love. Miss you/Love you always... infinity x a million and seven squared...

 

so today i watched my $2.50 movie from wal-mart it was AMAZING...great movie it was so sad though...*The Bumblebee Flies Anyway* I think you should all check it out...its not too old its only a 1997 movie, but great... anyways not feeling the best gonna go and finish getting ready then head to bowling i suppose...

<3 Jess

Nelson---I Love You

 

 

I'm here for you whenever you need me, as are the rest of your friends. I can't imagine what you are going though right now. Stay strong <3

 

 

Bffl

love you <xo3

 

anyways woohoo, yay for driving. hahaha dad took me out today in town, I didnt do TOO bad, I suck at parking spaces though haha.

I bought A Million Little Pieces friday night but my mother stole it to read it first >.< haha not like it matters I'm have two books on the go even though I read them both twice already...(have to get them tested for English)

 

Prom is the 9th of June Its pretty far off still but I'm rather excited.

Im REALLY excited for summer, I have made a list of things I want to do this summer, what is eveyone else doing for summer?

Anyways ugh, boo homework, got to go do that now, I've already put it off long enough.

 

<3 Jess

ok so...last night I went bowling with some friends haha there was like 12 of us but some left early and came late.Anyways Kris called my cell and said he was on his way, I was shocked. Like WOAH!!! usually he never wants to do anything with me or speak to me...So when he got there I totally ignored him, I didn't say a word to him, I just stayed with my new good buddy Shawn, total sweetheart, hes so funny.His plan was to make Kris jealous so he was like hugging me and tickling me and stuff hahaha. Anyways...close to the end after Shawn left, Kris was looking rather pissed at me so I went over and stood infront of him until he said hi, then i sat down and of course me being my emotional self started to cry.He just looked at me then turned away so I asked him if he liked me and he didnt say anything for a few minutes then he said yes of course why wouldnt I? and I asked him if he was mad he said "no, why would i be mad", i asked him what was on his mind he said "nothing", but he wouldnt tell me why by then it was time to leave.I come home and get online at like 12 and we talked about what happened til 3:00....I forgive him but I'm still majorly pissed at him, hes gonna have to make it up to me some how...but at least now he knows if it happens again I can't do this anymore I've gave him many chances and if he ruins this one Im done because I can't handle this relationship by myself like I've been doing. I cant be with someone who doesnt want to be with me no matter how much they say that they do.

anyways I'm outta here...

<3 Jess

.

 

not a good day, I LOATH you....

 

 

 

---

 

 

you know what sucks, that feeling of not caring.

Like he doesn't care about you, he doesn't want to see you, doesn't want to talk to you, doesn't care what happens, doesnt care whats not happening. Almost like you are invisible all of a sudden. He says its not true and hes sorry but how do you know for sure? saying sorry is like saying i love you, lots of people say it but they don't always truely mean it.

 

everything was wonderful at the beginning, i couldn't have been happier, i felt so lucky to finally have a guy that seemed to good to be true, he was perfect....for me, with his "hello beautiful" as soon as i'd sign online to the way he'd look at me or hold me, the way we could joke around, our 11:11 wishes and on going "tell me what you wished for" and the "No i can't or it won't come true", the way i could talk to him...now we can barely have a conversation last longer then 15-20 mins always with him leaving. he doesn't even say hello when I sign in on msn anymore its always me first...me to call because he never calls, me to say hey first on msn, me to touch him first, me to kiss him first.  I try, I try soo damn hard to make everything work, but it never seems to. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep, I'm tired of crying because of him, period. I wish for once the guy would actually have the guts to just stand up and say, "yeah my feelings have changed, I don't like you how i use to" but no its always been me, Im the bad guy, the one who finds out her bf has been cheating on her so she ends up getting rid of him, or he just doesn't want her and is waiting for her to break it off. Maybe its just me, maybe this is all my fault, somehow.

 

everyone around me is saying "you deserve better", "get rid of the jurk", "he doesn't deserve you", "you can do so much better"...well maybe so, maybe they are right, but what if i dont want to do better, I really like him and thats whats hard.It's like I can't stay mad at him, but yet theres always something, everyday that makes me angry towards him whether its something he did or a bad memory.

its 2 months today that i have been with him...2 whole months...

 

anyways I can't handle to talk about this anymore right now, once i get back to myself, I'll write more cause there is more...

 

ok so here it goes...my continuation...

even though he does all this i still like him alot but why? I have no idea.Tonight a very very wonderful friend(you know who you are dear) asked me to pay attention to what my heart was telling me, I would...but its in two parts. One part is telling me, theres a reason behind all of this, give him another chance because things could change, the other part is saying do you really wanna feel like this all the time?, you're just going to end up getting hurt, if he really liked you he wouldn't be doing this would he? so its hard to listen to a heart thats pulling you both ways. I can mention at least 15 people, who have noticed how down I have been and have seen and noticed why, 3 in which I talk to this about regularly to get their opinions on things. Each and everyone of them tell me to dump him and I always say yes alright, and I plan this whole speech to tell him when I see him but when I go to say anything I cant and I am glad that I cant say it because a part of me doesnt want to end this, all my life I have just given up on things when they didnt go right or go how i had planned but not this time, I dont want to give up on him just yet, Im just hoping hes not giving up on me.

school tomorrow, I wonder how thats gonna be with him seeing as I havent seen him for 16 days, except last thursday for about 15 mins when we were waiting inline to go see a movie but it got sold out just as it was our turn to get tickets and he didnt want to see anything else or do anything else i just got the vibe he didnt even want to be there with me, and we never really talked over the break either, he never calls me so Id call and he was always gone to his friends house, or when hed answer he was on the other line and said hed call me back which he never did, or he was to busy, or we'd talk for a bit then hed complain he was bored so hed go and watch a movie, the longest was like 20 mins but whatever.

But my friend and I were talking tonight and basically her and i came to the conclusion that maybe theres something happening or going on in his life thats making him distant. I dont know, I wouldn't know because he keeps everything to himself he never wants to talk about things.

anyways I could go on and on but Im done ranting, i just really needed to get that all out of my system.